Hello, my name is...

I know that there is an About Me section on the homepage, but that is filled with enticing, fluffy words that pique your attention to continue to scroll down and read more. But I just wanted to give you more of an introduction to me.

Growing up, I was given so many opportunities that others dream of, but I always felt that it was lost on me. Probably because so many times that is what I had been told by people who I thought were supposed to care. That I wasn't good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, wealthy enough, and so on. But I loved the thrill of proving them wrong. Being able to go to a college prep school, going to college, getting married, writing a book, and beating breast cancer all by the time I reached 25.

However, that doesn't stop the nagging at the back of my head that I am not good enough. I think when I reached the depths of that thought is when The Sea Nymph came to life in my college stats class. And even over a year later after having it published and knowing that people have read and loved my book, as much as I was proud, I kept thinking that it wasn't good enough. Who would honestly want to read a book published by me?

During my chemo treatments last year, I hit that point again of not being good enough and saw a pattern, it's when I started writing again. It's when I found a story that matched my situation; and even though it is finished, I'm having a hard time finding motivation to publish it and I have a third book in the works.

When you have cancer on top of mild depression and anxiety not only does your mind tell you that you are not good enough, your body feels like it agrees. My cancer felt like living proof of that. Yeah, if you look on my Instagram you see a lot of smiles during my cancer photos, but that came with some inner turmoil emphasizing that I wasn't good enough. It's hard to stay positive when every week they inject poison into your body that is supposed to cure you. The irony of that is astoundingly horrible. It feels unfair to share this considering the amazing support system that I have had to the point that I had no financial problems as I nearly stopped working all together and so many doctor appointments that I lost count.

Now that I'm almost a year post-chemo, I have that 'what next' mentality that I can't seem to shake. I defeated cancer which is a huge feat, I know that people beat it every day, but there are still so many that don't. It is such a big thing as such a young age, and now I'm just waiting for what's next.

And now with this blog, you can accompany me as I find out.

#aboutme #waiting #cancer #theseanymph